Click here to learn about the power of developing a Growth Mindset.

Step 4. Relapse

When we are working on changing our way of thinking or seeing the world around us it is extremely important that we recognise it won’t all be plain sailing. There will be times when it feels like everything is working against us in our efforts. It is at these times when it is very easy to just give in to the doubts about our success. 

Be reassured, this kind of “thought hijack” is completely normal – our thinking style has been programmed over a number of years and, in the same way as giving up smoking or losing weight is a challenge – so is changing the focus of our thoughts.

For some of us it helps to understand a little about the thinking process of our brain.  Thoughts appear without any prompting from us. They are evaluated based on our philosophy and life experience – without us even being aware that it is taking place.

Imagine your brain is a living computer – receiving and processing information at lightning speeds and in great quantities every hour. Over time it has formed thinking habits to enable it to process information more quickly – known as neural connection shortcuts. Using these shortcuts we can make swift decisions and take appropriate action to make sense of events and keep us safe and well. When we succeed in this way the neural connections strengthen and in a short time become second nature – forming our way of thinking. 

Things are different when we are engaged in self development activities. These require our way of thinking to be unlike our usual mode and it takes a great deal of effort. We have used this level of effort to achieve our “normal” thinking mode. However, we have done so without being aware of the effort it has taken, because, generally, this happened in our early, formative years when a great deal was changing all at the same time. A time when change was the norm and our capacity to adapt was stronger.

It follows then, that when we hit a snag our neural connections revert to type simply because it is a well worn path – otherwise known as “the path of least resistance”. This can happen easily and quickly, particularly in situations that are tense or where we experience high levels of stress.

When you experience a setback – of any size or magnitude – consider whether this stems from a Fixed or Growth mindset pattern of thinking. Resist any temptation to follow the slippery slope of believing you are not capable of change or that effort is futile. Look back over your goal setting work, remember just how much it means to you to achieve your goals. If you need time to recharge and regroup, take it without guilt. Yet observe how your feelings change and watch for when the time is right and you are ready to take renewed steps towards your new self. 

Challenge yourself to see the alternative perspective – re-read that phrase – “challenge yourself to see the alternative perspective”. It takes micro seconds to write, nano seconds to read (even twice) and can be a life’s work to achieve! 

There is frequently an alternative way of interpreting information. Fixed and Growth mindsets are a prime example of this. We are surrounded by a world of evidence, especially the technology that we use daily, to prove that there usually is a different result to the one we get first time round -as long as we adjust our thinking and behaviour along the way.

Make no mistake – you are embarking on a life changing project for your own development. You are re-programming the most powerful computer on Earth. It is, however, one project that will be worthwhile, rewarding and a great achievement. A project that will take time, effort, sheer determination and focus. You can if you think you can!

This is the point where you will need the most support and encouragement from your trusted person, coach or mentor. If you have access to the right person, they will hold you accountable to your goals and support you along the path to achieving them – encouraging you around potential road-blocks rather than allowing you to give up on something so central to your future development and success.

Our key message to you at this point has to be – expect setbacks, welcome the challenge to overcome them and grow as a result of your efforts to do so.

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