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Step 5. Bounce Back
Your setbacks will take many different forms. If you are lucky, you will only experience a few. The majority of us experience many before we even feel like we have made significant progress. Often, we feel like the only way forward is to curl up in the company of the TV or a good book, chocolates and a glass of something tasty.
If you really feel like this, then do it, give yourself time to come to terms with the current challenge or disappointment – you are human and any experience that makes you feel this way must be a momentous one. Give yourself permission to experience it and work it through in your mind. However, mark the time you allow yourself to indulge in this moment. Resist letting it become an all-consuming habit, because if you are to reach any of your goals, bounce-back you must.
Our recommended 7-phase model for understanding and bouncing back is loosely based on the findings that led to the invention of The Kubler-Ross curve and is formulated to help you navigate the chaos that follows a setback.
Phase 1 – Outset
This is the trigger event and when you are here you will know exactly what the event is. You will experience a sensation of shock, maybe even feel a little helpless at that moment.
Give yourself time to evaluate what has happened, the long view of the outcome – how will the situation feel in 5 years time? – and accept that is has affected you negatively – which is completely natural and human.
Phase 2 – Disillusionment
In-spite of the fact that you know things don’t always run to plan or as smoothly as we would like, there is still a sense of “they didn’t say it would be like this” and that phrase will echo like an empty void for a time. You will feel denial and believe that it shouldn’t have happened to you. Again, to be expected and not a reflection of you or your capabilities.
Phase 3 – Self Isolation
You may stop reaching out to your key person because you feel frustrated, embarrassed or be unable to think of an immediate solution. It may take some time for you to come to terms with the event and/or the outcome. Talking to your key person and really listening is vital at this stage. Their support, encouragement and constructive feedback is crucial to continuing your journey through to the other side of this setback.
Phase 4 – Low Energy
You will behave impulsively, continually focusing on minor tasks or every day activities as if nothing has happened. Expect to catch yourself actively avoiding even trying to do anything that helps you towards your goal. It can be depressing to be in this moment and your instinct is to refrain from tackling the distractions of the challenge in front of you.
It will take the support and encouragement of your key person, as well as your determination to drive you through to the other side of this phase. Remember – you have everything you need, both knowledge and skills, to make it through. This is just a temporary situation and can be overcome.
Phase 5 – Challenge
Eventually – and the length of time it takes will be fluid and is different for everyone – you will start to feel drawn to engage in working towards your goals once more. One word of caution here – be vigilant of your thought processes. Be careful not to be drawn down a path of procrastination, which will hold you back for longer than necessary.
Once you start to feel the draw, you will be able to think creatively about a work-around for the challenge that de-railed your progress. Experiment with your ideas, give each one consideration and examine what needs to be different to make the new approach work for you. Others may have ideas and suggestions – they may not be right for you, however, they are worth talking through to see if they can present the solution you are looking for, maybe with a minor tweak or two.
At this stage, it is recommended that you give consideration to all ideas that present themselves – avoid getting distracted by one idea to any depth right now – make (and keep) detailed notes and give yourself time and thinking space to think each one through. If necessary break up the process into different time slots so that you come to each idea with a clear mind and a fresh perspective.
Phase 6 – Action
Once you have two or three contenders for a workable solution, start to develop each idea in more depth. Consider all the practicalities in the light of the situation that triggered the derailment. When you have the detail worked out, then you can continue to experiment with putting your ideas into action.
Expect there to be some rough edges to smooth out and do not delay taking action until the idea is perfect. Any idea you test out will be a work in progress until you have found a formula that is successful for you. Remember, Eddison tested nearly 10,000 designs for a lightbulb until he found one that had a long burn time. He didn’t see any of the designs as a failure – merely as one step closer to the most successful design. The process you are following is in principle the same, although the subject will be different. To find a failure point in a solution is, in fact, an achievement – it means that you have identified the point of improvement and can do something to change it.
Phase 7 – Repetition (New Habit)
When you have trialled a new idea that works for you it is time to repeat the process and to continue with that method until you find it comes as second nature to you.
Only by continuing the actions will you start to integrate them into your “usual behaviour” and become more comfortable with a different way of thinking and working.
It is vital at this point that you take some quiet time and reflect on your journey. Recognise how things have changed for you, how you are handling things differently and the progress you have made towards your goals. Reward yourself in some way – giving yourself a pat on the back or something more significant depending on how high a mountain you feel you have climbed. The reward should reflect the effort you have put into overcome the challenge – be realistic and make it personal to you.
Final Word
We have covered considerable ground over the past few weeks and we hope that you have found it useful and informative.
If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again – You can if you think you can!!!
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